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D.D'Angelo Green

December 20, 2013

Death at a Funeral

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Written by: d.d'angelo green

A man trails a woman as they both approach a double-doorway to an office building. The gentleman speeds up to grab the door handle to open the door for her. As he does so, she reaches for the other door handle, opens it and proceeds inside without missing a beat…

Two friends, a man and a woman, enjoy a nice night out. As he is walking her to her car, they come up on a curb that has to be crossed as a shortcut to where she is parked. As she approaches the curb, he grabs her arm to assist her over it and ensure her safety. As he does so, she looks at him with a slight disgust as if offended and says, “I’m okay. I got it.”

It’s a crowded venue. Everyone is dressed to impress and ‘TheKatzDownstairz’ are murdering the stage. A young lady walks in alone and stands next to a gentleman who is seated while enjoying the music. After a few minutes, he notices that the lady is standing next to him and has been for some time. He stands up beside her and says, “I can’t sit here while you stand next me. Please have my seat.” She looks at him as if she believes this to be a pick-up line and declines. He sits back down. She never finds a seat and is standing the rest of the night…

Special Note: If you read all of these scenarios and see absolutely nothing wrong with them, I strongly suggest a CAT scan and a serious mentality upgrade.

Welcome to my world. I’m sure we have all heard the phrase “chivalry is dead.” But I heard Comedian Chris Rock say, “chivalry IS dead… and women killed it!” I couldn’t agree more for so many reasons.

Truth: There is definitely a shortage of actual men who do the things I mentioned in these scenarios with any semblance of consistency. However, I hear so many women use this fact as an excuse for not being able to accept when they encounter a man who actually does these things, not for any particular reason, but because he was taught to (we will get to that). Just because something doesn’t happen with any frequency in my life doesn’t mean that I begin to like it any less. Your acceptance of my chivalry should not be based on anything other than the fact that you want and deserve for a man to be man enough to treat you like a lady; even if you don’t necessarily fit that description (a whole ‘nother article needed for that subject).

Honestly, it’s kind of annoying every time I open the door for women and every one of them thank me as they proceed to touch the door! Why are you doing that?? Do you feel as if this may be a trick and I might wait until you get in the doorway and then let it slam on you? Has that happened to any of you?? If so, allow me to apologize from the bottom of my heart. The typical response I receive from this inquiry is to the tune of: “Well, we’re just not used to it.” Or “Women do this for themselves all the time and so we’re just used to doing it.” That’s the part of the movie when Eddie Murphy would stare at the camera with a blank expression.

Listen women, you can say anything you like, but in reality, this kind of act is a little disrespectful; all jokes removed. I mean, what if you were cooking dinner for a man and he walked in the kitchen while you were preparing the steak, took the tongs out of your hand and began to turn it as you held the pan handle, but was thanking you for cooking it for him while he did it? And he did this because he was just making sure that you got it right. Or you’re folding his clothes and after you fold a shirt, he goes behind you and tucks the sleeves just a little? I mean after all, he’s used to doing it himself, right? Nope! You would lose your mind and the next thing he would hear is, say it with me, “Do it yourself then!!”

Now you may say that the examples I just used aren’t relevant to the topic or situation I’m engaging, but they are.

Men and women have different roles in life. Most of these are built in or hard-wired to our psyche.

We operate how we do in relation to the opposite sex by nature in most ways. This, however, is an area that requires teaching, mentoring, and incubation of some sort. Though a man’s innate desire is to protect and care for a woman, he must be taught how to properly do so by either a father or someone older and wiser than himself. The only instance I can remember of my mother instructing me to open the door for her and my sister is a moment that I can truly say changed my life. But it was only because her instruction that I do so which caused my ascent towards learning how to treat a woman. So in essence, I learned from a woman the proper way to treat a woman. *segue alert* My point here is to say that the best teacher for a man on how you are to be treated is you. If you want a man to treat you like a lady then require him to do so; man or boy.

So many women aren’t used to this type of treatment which used to be a normal for society; African-American culture in particular. But as years cause the decline of families, placing fathers outside of homes, and limiting the teaching that takes place, the value systems of generations have suffered and have us at the point in which the disrespectful  male(or the one who does not know how to show a lady proper respect) is accepted as the normal. It is a clear cut case of abnormal normality. I believe we can handle this issue by teaching our sons how to treat women; by deed and instruction; and by teaching our daughters what they should be treated like so that they accept nothing less than such. This will set a standard that will in time eradicate the dysfunction we suffer from presently. So that hopefully someday my son (should I have one) will not have to feel like a weirdo when he opens the door for a woman because I taught him to treat every woman like he would his mother. Hopefully….

About the Author

d.d'angelo green
d.d'angelo green
Hello World! When Angell asked me to author this column for N to U, I was very excited. As a man, I know that there are many issues that we as men need to tackle and conquer if we are to ever be able to fully live out our intended purpose for existence. For this reason, I have taken this opportunity as a chance to help not only other men, but myself as well. I intend to address some issues that may be plaguing men across humanity to see if I can spark some thought, change, and growth in myself and in the lives of all who care to read; both male and female.

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